What To Text When You're Expecting
by Rowen-Bells
Summary: This is a story of love, trials, and the joy of pregnancy . . . through what? Texts.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN:** So I was going through more of my un-posted stories when I came across this little gem. It's not much I know, but re-reading it, it made me giggle and I suddenly wanted to share. I believe I had written these as a way to get through some writers block back when I was writing CotU, but I had completely forgotten about it! I'm going to post this as "in-progress" because I really don't think I'm done with this. Plus, I get writer block quite a bit . . . anyway, hope you all get a kick out of it!_

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 **What To Text When You're Expecting**

 ** _[Clary Started a Group Text]_**

 _[Baby Daddy Added]_

 _[Uncle Simon Added]_

 _[Aunt Izzy Added]_

 _[Uncle Magnus Added]_

 _[Uncle Alec Added]_

 _[Aunt Maia Added]_

 _[Grandma Added]_

 _[Grandpa Added]_

 **Clary:** We're pregnant!

 **Aunt Izzy:** OMG OMG OMG IM GONNA BE AN AUNT!

 **Clary:** I KNOW!

 **Baby Daddy:** It's true. We're pregnant. Now to make sure we don't show up to the baby shower in the same maternity clothes. Such a fashion faux pas would be embarrassing.

 **Uncle Simon:** Congrats! So when are you due, Jace?

 **Clary:** You know what I meant, Simon.

 **Baby Daddy:** Well, I plan to be induced at the same time as Clary. You know, same birthdays . . . saves us money.

 **Baby Daddy:** For the record, Clary is rolling her eyes.

 **Uncle Alec:** Congrats guys. Love you both.

 **Aunt Maia:** OMG! CONGRATS! Do you know what you're having yet?

 **Clary:** Not yet, it's too soon.

 **Grandpa:** Congrats, honey.

 **Grandma:** By the Angel! I'm too young to be a grandma!

 **Uncle Magnus:** Congratulations Clarissa. While *I* know what you meant, I can at least bring some truth to it if you'd like. . . . let Jace at least experience some labor pains. All I have to do is *snap* *snap* and it's done.

 **Uncle Simon:** *snap* *snap* and BOOM!

 **Uncle Magnus:** What did I tell you about defining my finger snaps?

 **Clary:** Thank you guys!

 **Clary:** And Magnus, I couldn't do that to him.

 **Grandma:** I'd wait until you're in labor to make that decision.

.

.

 **Jace:** Magnus, you awake?

 **Jace:** Maaaaaaggnuuuus…

 **Jace:** MAGNUS!

 **Magnus:** It's 3am. This had better be an emergency.

 **Jace:** It is! What is a Densuke watermelon?

 **Magnus:** . . .

 **Magnus:** It's a watermelon. Is this really why you woke me up at 3am?

 **Jace:** Well Clary keeps talking about them and how badly she wants one. Something about how her cravings are my fault cause I'm the one that got her pregnant . . . like she wasn't apart of that whole process or something. Anyway, Do you know where I can get one?

 **Magnus:** The northern Japanese island of Hokkaido. And they cost about 6000 per melon. I'm going back to sleep now. Goodnight.

 **Jace:** 6000?!

 **Jace:** What the shit?!

 **Jace:** Can't you just come over and wiggle your fingers or snap them or something? Make one appear?

 **Jace:** Magnus?

 **Jace:** MAGNUS!

 **Jace:** I know you're reading these. I'll call you next. And I'll show up at your door after that.

 **Magnus:** . . .

 **Magnus:** You're not going to let me go back to sleep until I do, are you?

 **Jace:** I swear by the Angel that my pain will be yours.

 **Magnus:** I hate you. Be there soon.

.

.

 **Isabelle:** Hey . . . how did you know you were pregnant? Cause . . . I think I might be pregnant . . .

 **Alec:** Are you kidding?

 **Isabelle:** . . .

 **Alec:** Izzy?

 **Alec:** ISABELLE!

 **Isabelle:** SHIT WRONG PERSON!

 **Alec:** You're pregnant?!

 **Isabelle:** Ignore the text!

 **Alec:** Isabelle . . .

 **Isabelle:** The subscriber your trying to reach is avoiding her brother. Please try back again at another time.

 **Alec:** *you're

 **Isabelle:** The subscriber *you're trying to reach is avoiding her brother. Please try back again at another time.

 **Alec:** ISABELLE! I'M GOING TO KILL SIMON!

.

.

 **Angry Alec:** YOU GOT MY SISTER PREGNANT?!

 **Simon:** The subscriber *you're trying to reach is in hiding. Please try back when you are less angry and frightening.

.

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 **Simon:** Hey, any advice now that our women are pregnant together?

 **Jace:** For the love of all that is holy, do not let Iz find out about Densuke watermelon!

 **Simon:** Really? That's all you got?

 **Jace:** You'll thank me later. Trust me.

.

.

 ** _[Clary Started A Group Text]_**

 _[Izzy Added]_

 _[Maia Added]_

 _[Simon Added]_

 _[Magnus Added]_

 _[Alec Added]_

 _[Mom Added]_

 _[Asshole Added]_

 **Clary:** Jace is such an asshole!

 **Izzy:** What did he do?

 **Clary:** I told him I was fat and he said that I was being ridiculous!

 **Izzy:** Oh no . . . did he really?

 **Clary:** YES! How DARE he tell me that I'm being ridiculous! Maybe HE should try lugging around his ginormous bowling ball headed kid of his, and watch as his EVERYTHING expands and suddenly not fit in to ANY of his clothes!

 **Maia:** Some guys never learn.

 **Magnus:** Preach it, girl!

 **Mom:** He'll learn eventually, honey.

 **Asshole:** Clary, love . . . you know you group chatted this?

 **Clary:** I MEANT TO YOU ASS GASKET!

 **Alec:** Need a place to sleep tonight, Jace?

.

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 _ **Please Review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN:** I can't believe how many of you really liked this! Thank you so much! As I promised, a second chapter. I know it's not long, but I hope it at least brings a smile to your faces! Thank you again, and let me know what you think! _

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 **Clary:** Are you awake?

 **Mom:** Yeah, honey. What's up?

 **Clary:** About labor . . . I'm really worried about the pain.

 **Mom:** You should be.

 **Clary:** What?!

 **Mom:** It hurts. A lot.

 **Clary:** Not. Helping.

.

.

 **Maia:** Jace, its Maia.

 **Jace:** What's up?

 **Maia:** I'm going to need you to come pick up Clary

 **Jace:** Why? Is she okay? Did she go into labor?!

 **Maia:** No. Not into Labor. But . . .

 **Jace:** But what?

 **Maia:** Well, Lily was trying to talk to her about some negotiations and Clary . . . didn't like her propositions.

 **Jace:** She didn't stake Lily or anything . . . did she?

 **Maia:** No. But she may or may not have belly bumped her.

 **Maia:** Twice.

 **Maia:** Oh wait . . .

 **Maia:** Three times now.

 **Jace:** . . .

 **Maia:** Im laughing so hard right now! I can't even . . . the look on Lily's face!

 **Jace:** She's using our unborn child as a weapon?

 **Maia:** OMG SHE JUST YELLED "SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE BULGE!" AND I'M DYING!

 **Maia** : How do you put up with this?! I can barely type.

 **Jace:** Oh, for Angels sake

 **Jace:** omw

.

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 **Simon:** Hey, did you really belly bump the leader of the vampire clan?

 **Preggo Parabatai:** Yes.

 **Simon:** Okay then . . .

 **Preggo Parabatai:** Shut up or I'll belly bump you too.

.

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 **Isabelle:** Who ever said that being pregnant was a blessing or a joy can suck it.

 **Clary:** I agree. I swear I'm never doing it again. If Jace want's another child I suggest he carry it himself.

 **Isabelle:** Same goes for Simon! They can have the joys of morning sickness and swelling.

 **Clary:** And leg cramps.

 **Isabelle:** OMG THE FUCKING LEG CRAMPS!

 **Clary:** IKR?!

.

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 **Simon:** Hey Iz? So I've been thinking . . . if we have a boy: Ezra Finn.

 **Isabelle:** Oh I like that!

 **Simon:** Really?

 **Isabelle:** It's unique. How did you come up with it?

 **Simon:** Ha, I don't know. It just came to me.

.

.

 **Isabelle:** Did Simon tell you the name he came up with if we have a boy?

 **Clary:** No, what is it?

 **Isabelle:** Ezra Finn.

 **Isabelle:** Isn't it great? So unique!

 **Clary:** . . .

 **Clary:** Did he by any chance mention that both of those names are Star Wars characters?

 **Clary:** Ezra is from Star Wars Rebels and Finn from Star Wars Force Awakens.

 **Clary:** Isabelle?

 **Clary:** Izzy?

.

.

 **Baby Momma:** YOU PICKED NAMES AFTER STAR WARS CHARACTERS?!

 **Simon:** What? How did you find out? Was it Clary? Did she tell you? She told you. Dammit!

 **Baby Momma:** I'm going to kill you!

 **Simon:** But, babe . . . come on! It's Star Wars!

 **Baby Momma:** You're a Shadowhunter! Act like one!

 **Simon:** I am! How do you think I learned my Jedi moves with the Seraph blades?!

 **Baby Momma:** Is THAT what that flailing about was supposed to be yesterday?

 **Simon:** You wound me madam.

 **Baby Momma:** I'm about to.

 **Simon:** . . .

 **Simon:** Sooooo . . . what about Benjamin Luke?

 **Baby Momma:** WE ARE NOT NAMING OUR CHILD AFTER STAR WARS CHARACTERS!

 **Simon:** Leia Rey?

 **Simon:** Han Solo?

 **Baby Momma:** Omg *face-palm* You're not even trying to be subtle now.

 **Simon:** Hera Amidala

 **Simon:** Bobba Fett?

 **Baby Momma:** Smh.


	3. Chapter 3

**.**

 **.**

 **Clary:** Izzy, I need your help. I'm stuck in a gas station bathroom. I sneezed and pee'd myself. I need clothes!

 **Alec:** Um.

 **Clary:** Shit!

 **Alec:** So . . .

 **Clary:** I'm going to go die now.

 **Alec:** lol

 **Alec:** Clary?

 **Alec:** You still there?

 **Alec:** Look, I'm not going to tell anyone. Which gas station?

 **Clary:** You told Magnus.

 **Alec:** . . .

 **Alec:** Im not going to tell anyone else.

 **.**

 **.**

 **Izzy:** Clary, do you still think I'm sexy?

 **Clary:** Of course! Why are you asking?

 **Izzy:** Well, I was trying to . . . seduce Simon.

 **Clary** : . . . okay?

 **Izzy:** And he laughed at me.

 **Clary:** What?!

 **Izzy:** Well not at first.

 **Clary:** What happened?

 **Izzy:** I danced and . . . my stomach knocked over a lamp.

 **Clary:** omg.

 **Izzy:** And then I tried crawling toward him seductively, but I had trouble getting up on the bed.

 **Izzy:** Clary?

 **Izzy:** Are you still there?

 **Izzy:** You're laughing aren't you.

 **Clary:** No. Not at all. Okay just a little bit.

 **.**

 **.**

 **Clary:** Jace, are you busy?

 **Jace:** Not at the moment. Me and Alec just finished putting down that demon in West Village.

 **Clary:** Okay. I need you to come home.

 **Jace:** Is everything all right?

 **Clary:** I just need you, Jace. . .

 **Jace:** Did you go into labor?

 **Jace:** Is the baby okay?

 **Jace:** Clary, answer me!

 **Clary:** There was a commercial . . . there was a little boy that brought his mom food for mothers day . . . Jace, I can't stop crying!

 **Jace:** Wait . . . Seriously?

 **Clary:** JACE!

 **Jace:** Okay, lol, I'm on my way.

 **.**

 **.**

 **Magnus:** So how's lunch with your sister going?

 **Alec:** Well, I just got done consoling her while she cried for the past hour over a squirrel that ran out into the street and got hit by a cab. So there was that.

 **Magnus:** I don't know what to do with that.

 **Alec:** You don't have to do anything.

 **Alec:** I'm just so glad neither of us can get pregnant.

 **Magnus:** Max ate blue clay and then vomited it on your bows.

 **Alec:** Of course he did.

 **.**  
 **.**


End file.
